Here is a short story I wrote this week

[HitmanMatt53]

First time posting fiction here.

Can I find that place I know
Can I find that thing I like
From snow capped mountains
And riding a bike

Can I find that place I miss
Can I find that thing I wish
From deep purple sunsets
and going to fish

[Amber Tiger]

I tried that and hit a problem at the second stage. Turned out alright when I did it

[GhostRider89]

I see it slightly differently. I tend to notice the things that seem almost accidental but probably are not.

Curious what others make of it

[Highland Fatima]

Turned out alright in the end doing it that way. Post a photo when it is done

[MellowRunner]

Good catch on the dialogue tags and body language. Too many beginners fall into the "he said, she retorted" trap instead of letting movement carry the conversation. That said, the world-building was top-notch. Reminded me a bit of Ursula K. Le Guin's quieter atmospheric pieces, which is high praise coming from someone who usually hates fantasy.

[Swift Di]

Agreed with the previous post, but I think the dialogue suffers from being too expository. Have the character reveal their feelings through actions instead of spelling it out. For example, instead of saying they are sad, describe them meticulously tidying a room that no one else touches. Subtlety kills, or rather, it improves the narrative significantly.

[Maddox21]

Wait, a photo when it's done? This is the Short Stories board, not a DIY home improvement subreddit! Unless your 'story' is literally about building a shed, you should probably stick to text. I'm guessing you got the prompts mixed up or there's a typo in your last line. Let's keep this literary, please.