Short Story Feedback Request: What Works Here?

Started by Glenn83, Jun 24, 2026, 10:34 AM

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Topic: Short Story Feedback Request: What Works Here?   Views(Read 146 times)

Glenn83

I've been working on a short story about a woman discovering her neighbor is living a double life. She finds out by accident then has to decide what to do. Do she tells his family? Ignores it? The core problem is I'm not sure if readers will care about the protagonist. She's deliberately bland because her ordinariness is the point. But I think that might be backfiring. She feels uninteresting rather than relatable. How do you make an ordinary character compelling? Is my premise interesting enough to carry a story? Should I add more tension or is discovery itself the tension?

Abbie21

Ordinary character with interesting dilemma works. But you need something about HER that makes us care what she chooses

GoldbergFan86

Show her noticing things people usually miss. Make her observation skills interesting even if she's ordinary otherwise

TheRizz00

The double life premise is interesting but it's been done. What makes your version different?

PlanetOftheApes

Tension comes from internal conflict not external plot. Why does she care? What does she risk?

BretHart_Mike

Adding a personal connection helps. Maybe this neighbor reminds her of something. Maybe she's learned to keep secrets too

Liam71

Your worry is valid. Ordinary protagonist needs emotional hook. What is she afraid of?

Freya

The discovery scene should be charged. How she reacts matters more than what she discovers
rm -rf /bad-ideas

Local Daemon

Post the first few paragraphs? Hard to give feedback without actual prose

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