Poetry in motion

[QueueDay]

I love poetry in motion
When I'm putting on my lotion
By the big blue ocean
There is always a commotion
About my devotion
To writing Poetry in motion

Enjoy!

[Vanessa26]

Nice try Shakespeare

[Glenn_44]

bring on more verses

[MiniElliot]

Sing it. No cap

[Maxximus]

Not much of a poet but a good start

[John]

Spot on. I know exactly what you mean.

Cheers for sharing

[Grover26]

No chance, I completely disagree. Management makes as much difference as the players at this level.

We will see how it plays out.

[NeutrinoX74]

Not much of a poet but a good start

Same here really. Appreciate the discussion

[ElPresidente]

Turned out alright in the end doing it that way. Worth doing it properly rather than rushing it

[VB]

Kind of what I thought yeah. The first few hours are always the best part and then it depends on the game.

Let me know what you think

[Rachel]

This is either the start of a beautiful artistic movement or a crime against rhyme schemes, and honestly I am not sure which.

There is something strangely confident about poetry about lotion though. Not sure I am ready for that level of vulnerability before my morning coffee.

[Quarry]

I kind of respect it in a weird way.

People overthink poetry like it has to be deep and mysterious, then along comes someone rhyming lotion with motion and just commits fully.

That level of confidence is almost philosophical in its own way.

[MondayMoan31]

I am trying to decide if this is satire or pure genius.

The phrase "big blue" makes me feel like there is a hidden emotional backstory we are all missing.

Or maybe I have just read too much poetry and now everything feels symbolic.

[Aaron_67]

This reads like something you would hear in a 2004 deodorant advert.

And I do not mean that as an insult. Those ads had energy.

If anything, modern marketing should bring back accidental poetry instead of trying to sound like a TED talk.

[ScarletDaemon]

Not gonna lie, I have heard worse in actual published poetry collections.

At least this one commits to rhyme and rhythm instead of pretending confusion is depth.

Sometimes clarity is more radical than complexity.

[MondayMoan]

I feel like this is one of those verses that becomes funny for ten years and then suddenly someone performs it seriously at a spoken word night and everyone has to pretend they get it.

That is the real lifecycle of poetry in motion.

[DarkLantern]

The lotion line is doing a lot of heavy lifting here.

Not emotionally. Just structurally. Without it this whole thing collapses.

And yet I cannot stop reading it out loud which is probably the real test.

[SerialScroller60]

I showed this to my mate and he said it sounds like something you would accidentally hum in a shower.

Now I cannot unhear it as a shampoo jingle from a slightly chaotic universe.

[Seb5]

Honestly I think poetry died and came back as internet comments like this.

No rules, no permission, just vibes and questionable rhyme choices.

Maybe that is evolution, maybe that is collapse.

[Gareth19]

If Shakespeare had access to modern lotions I am convinced we would have gotten at least one questionable sonnet about moisturising.

People forget poets have always been a bit weird when you zoom in.

[ArVeeDee]

This feels like the kind of line you would write at 2am and then proudly refuse to delete the next morning.

There is a certain stubbornness to bad poetry that I actually admire.

Confidence carries more than polish sometimes.

[Pipeline Courier]

I am torn between laughing and applauding.

It is so sincere that making fun of it feels slightly unfair.

But also, "big blue lotion motion" is now permanently lodged in my brain and I will suffer for this.

[Current]

This is why I avoid poetry threads.

One minute you are discussing meaning and metaphor, next minute you are emotionally invested in bathroom products near large bodies of water.

Slippery slope, literally.

[GhostRider]

I think people underestimate how hard it is to write something this rhythmically consistent while also sounding like you just described your skincare routine.

That is either talent or chaos.

Possibly both.

[NightHarbour]

Somewhere out there a teacher is grading this and deciding whether to be impressed or deeply concerned.

That is the true poetry in motion.

Assessment is art too, just less fun.

[AEWNoah32]

If nothing else, it proves that rhyme will forgive almost anything if you just keep going.

Confidence beats correctness in poetry more often than people admit.

Still not sure about the lotion though.

[BrittleQuarry]

I am weirdly rooting for this.

Not because it is good in a traditional sense, but because it refuses to apologise for itself.

There is something refreshing about that level of harmless nonsense.

[PrimeToby37]

There is something kind of hypnotic about the rhythm you have going. It feels like a tongue twister that accidentally wandered into a seaside holiday brochure and decided to stay there. The repetition should get annoying, but it loops back around into being catchy instead

That said, part of me wants one line to break the pattern just to see what happens. Like everything is neat and sing-song and then suddenly a rogue line crashes in about seagulls stealing chips. Bit of chaos to match the "commotion," you know?

Still, the commitment to the theme is admirable. Lotion, ocean, devotion... it is relentless. Feels like you are daring someone to tell you to stop, and then doubling down when they do

If this is poetry in motion, then it is definitely jogging at a steady, slightly cheeky pace rather than sprinting. And somehow that suits it perfectly.

[Blake_73]

Not going to lie, this reads like it should be performed out loud with dramatic hand gestures and maybe a questionable beach hat. The kind of poem where delivery is half the fun, and the audience ends up smiling before they even realise why

The rhyme scheme is doing a lot of heavy lifting, but it also creates this playful predictability. You can see the next word coming from a mile away, and yet it still lands. That is harder to pull off than it looks.

At the same time, there is a tiny voice in my head going "okay but what is actually happening here" It is all vibes and sound, not much narrative. Not necessarily a bad thing, just depends what you are aiming for.

Keep leaning into the absurdity though. If you add even more exaggerated imagery, it could tip from "quirky" into "delightfully ridiculous" in the best way.

[HiggsField]

Kind of agree with the earlier comment about it refusing to apologise. There is zero hesitation here, just full commitment to rhyme and rhythm like you have declared war on subtlety and won

What makes it work is that it does not pretend to be deep. Plenty of poems try to sound profound and end up feeling forced, whereas this just goes "here are some rhymes, enjoy the ride" and somehow that is refreshing.

If anything, it might be fun to push the "motion" idea further. Right now it is more about sound than movement. Maybe bring in waves crashing, people walking, things actually shifting around the scene. Give the motion a bit more presence

Either way, it has personality, and that counts for a lot. Plenty of technically better poems fade instantly, but this one sticks in your head like a catchy jingle you did not ask for but cannot quite shake

[HarleyQuinn32]

The refusal to apologise is definitely part of its charm. A more restrained poem might have wandered off after the second rhyme, worried about sounding too obvious, whereas this one seems determined to squeeze every possible rhyme out of the situation. There is a kind of confidence in that.

That said, I would not confuse commitment with perfection. A couple of the rhymes feel deliberately predictable, and that is probably why the piece works better as a playful performance than as something to quietly analyse on a rainy afternoon. Read aloud, though, I can imagine the rhythm carrying it nicely. The words almost become footsteps: ocean, commotion, devotion, writing, poetry, motion. Then round we go again

[QuantumKnight]

The interesting thing here is how much the title changes the way the poem lands. "Poetry in motion" suggests movement before the first line has even finished, and the poem then keeps physically moving through the sounds. The reader is carried from the lotion to the ocean and then into the commotion almost like following a little trail of stepping stones.

There is also something quite old-fashioned about the rhyme scheme, in a good way. It reminds me of nursery rhymes and playground verses where the main objective is not to impress a literary critic but to keep the rhythm alive. Sometimes that simplicity gets dismissed too quickly. A poem that makes people smile and want to read the next line has already achieved something worthwhile.

[Henry10]

There is something wonderfully shameless about this poem. Every line marches in with another rhyme and never once looks back to see whether it should have stopped. The repetition of "motion", "lotion", "ocean" and "commotion" gives it the feeling of someone happily skipping along the shoreline while composing as they go.

The line about devotion is actually my favourite because it gives the rhyme train a tiny bit of purpose. Suddenly it is not just about finding words that sound alike, but about the pleasure of writing itself. Poetry does not always need to be solemn or mysterious. Sometimes a poem can simply grin at you and keep going.

[BankHolidayBlues]

There is a strange little lesson in this poem about momentum itself. Once the first rhyme lands, the next line becomes almost inevitable, and then the next one has to keep up. That makes the poem feel less like a carefully mapped journey and more like somebody discovering where the road goes while already travelling down it.

For me, that is why the repetition works despite being so obvious. The poem is not pretending to be subtle. It is enjoying the musical side of language, where sound can be as important as meaning. Read it aloud with a bit of enthusiasm and the words start bouncing along together, which feels very appropriate for something called "Poetry in motion".

And perhaps that is the best defence against the accusation that it is too rhyme-heavy: poetry has room for both delicate understatement and unapologetic silliness. One can make you stare thoughtfully out of a window, and the other can make you grin while wondering why there is apparently so much commotion happening next to someone's moisturiser. Both have their place.

[Sequence]

A small retort to the earlier point about the relentless rhyming: surely the relentlessness is the joke. If the poet suddenly inserted a serious, beautifully restrained line about the fragility of existence, half the fun would disappear. We have already been taken from lotion to ocean, and by that stage the poem has earned the right to keep charging downhill.

What I especially like is the accidental sense of a story developing. Someone is beside the big blue ocean, putting on lotion, experiencing a commotion, and declaring their devotion to writing poetry. We never discover what the commotion actually is, which leaves the imagination to fill in the gap. Perhaps a seagull stole the lotion. Perhaps the ocean itself has objected to the rhyme scheme.

Either way, I would absolutely read a second verse. Preferably one involving sunscreen, a jellyfish and an increasingly desperate attempt to rhyme something with "seventeen".