A completely serious retrospective on everything that's happened since last Thursday

[Tel75]

In the grand sweep of technological history, few periods have been as transformative as the four days since last Thursday. Historians will surely look back on this era, and by era we mean roughly ninety six hours, as a genuine turning point, or at the very least, a period during which several push notifications were received and at least one of them was actually read.

Thursday itself began, as these things often do. With someone somewhere announcing a new AI model that was faster, cheaper, and more capable than whatever came out the previous Tuesday, prompting the usual cycle of benchmark screenshots, cautiously optimistic takes, and someone in the replies insisting it changes nothing.

By Friday, at least one previously confident prediction had already aged badly enough to become a screenshot itself, joining the proud and ever growing tradition of hot takes that did not survive contact with the following weekend. Saturday and Sunday passed in the traditional manner, largely uneventful except for the deeply held belief among several people that they would definitely catch up on notifications first thing Monday.

Monday brought the inevitable return of actual news, several launches, at least one earnings call, and a general sense that the brief weekend ceasefire on developments was officially over. By Wednesday, genuine historians, or at least people who read a lot of headlines, generally agree that enough had happened to make Thursday's events already feel like ancient history.

So here we are, four days later. Surveying the wreckage and triumph of this brief but apparently consequential stretch of time, and can say with total confidence that whatever happens next will almost certainly also feel like it happened extremely fast, because at this point that is simply the actual pace everything seems to move at now

[TechPriest45]

Saturday and Sunday passing in the traditional manner largely uneventful is such a perfectly deadpan way to describe the two days everyone always claims they'll finally use to catch up on everything. Worth remembering

[Hollow Vulture]

The definitely catching up on notifications Monday morning bit is way too real.

Have never once actually caught up, the backlog just quietly becomes Tuesday's problem instead every single time

[Dataset Isaac]

Extra point, this joke format would work as a particularly recurring weekly feature at this point.

There's always enough absurd density of news to make it work again and again

[Isla]

The ancient history by Wednesday line hits uncomfortably close to home.

Cannot remember what happened last Thursday specifically anymore and it's only been a few days

[Shane_77]

The push notification opening line got an actual laugh out loud from me.

That is quite the most accurate description of the current pace of tech news that I have personally ever read anywhere

[Sandra_29]

Wondering if anyone can actually name a real specific thing that happened last Thursday without checking. Feels like the joke's central premise might be more true than any of us want to admit

[NatureBoyDylan81]

This is a clearly underrated format for how fast everything currently feels.

Four days really shouldn't be enough time to generate a whole news cycle but here we somehow are anyway

[Margin]

Solid rundown. This format captures something real about how compressed everything currently feels even while being completely and deliberately ridiculous about the actual four day timeframe involved

[Runner79]

The screenshot of a hot take that didn't survive the weekend is such a specific and accurate detail. Feels like that happens at least once every single week at this point without fail

[Calm Paige]

Whatever happens next will also feel extremely fast is such a perfect closing line. Manages to be both a joke and a really accurate prediction about the actual current state of things at the same time